by Susie Kempton
Is it possible to win back lost love? Some say, Why bother? But if you really want to know how to win back the love of your ex, read on. Thoughtfully applying some of the principles and practices outlined below might put you back on track with the one youve loved and lost.
If youve been left behind, either because your lover needed some space, or because someone else entered the picture, or maybe you were the one to break it off, theres still hope.
But before you get too deep into trying to win your lover back, ask yourself these questions:
Am I just bored or lonely, or am I truly heart broken?
Is this just my pride, or do I feel like Ive lost my better half and my best friend?
Am I prepared to give 100 percent to win my ex back, or should I just move on?
To recover the relationship is going to require your self-reflection and hard work, once you know that your heart is truely broken then you will have what it takes to succeed
Take a Little Time
The last thing you want to do is panic, or beg your ex for reconcilliation, so stay focused, and reflect on what might repair the relationship, despite the horrible experience you have been through
Regardless of how angry, how hurt or how confused you are, you need to remember that the unit that you used to be has come undone, and its not going to meld back together unless you can open your partners heart once again and find ways to keep it open to you and your love.
Use some of your new found time to:
Start by looking after yourself, keep up with your exercise, or start doing some, you will have to maintain your self-esteem and your health, and do this for you, you must believe in yourself.
Be open to the needs of others, friends and family members, those you are close to and also those that perhaps you’ve neglected, and do not withdraw from the world, which will be a temptation.
Avoid reckless dating behavior which means also avoiding initiating sexual relationships out of loneliness. You need to feel your feelings right now. Dont drown them out with alcohol or sex.
Keep a balanced outlook. Get counseling if you need it to stay sane. Try to stay positive. Dont let the lost relationship become your banner.
Make Some Smooth Moves
Youre going to need to use a little reverse psychology, and it may work to your advantage if youve been doing the things suggested above. Your approach can be summed up in four words: Casual, Caring, Creative and Committed. Lets look at one at a time.
Casual: Your casual manner is going to be very puzzling to your ex. Being friendly, yet somewhat detached is going to disarm your lover and make them somewhat more vulnerable to you. They have no doubt steeled themselves against the possibility of reconciling. So when you see them and fail to break down, beg or make a stand for your undying love, they are going to wonder why. No games here- just be friendly and somewhat detached. Dont give in to the urge to throw yourself at their feet. Hold off.
Caring: Let them know youre there for them if they need you. Drop off their mail. Drop a compliment. Tell them, regardless of the truth of the matter, that the break up was probably your fault and you understand how they feel. Stop there. Dont rehash. Just say you could have done better. This is probably true- we could all do better. Just dont overdo offers of assistance. And when you are in your exs presence- listen- really listen, before responding.
Creative: Find creative ways to reopen your ex-lovers heart. Put together a picture album of your favorite pictures of them- not you and them. Try to include pictures of happier times. Or remember their birthday with a book by a favorite author. Drop off a CD of a mix of their favorite musical artists. Send them 2 tickets to the ballet or a ballgame. Find ways to show your ex you remember who he or she is, and what they enjoy. Youll be surprised how effective this kind of creative thought and action can be.
Committed: Commit to discovering your mistakes and to doing some soul-searching on how you can improve who you are when in a relationship. Have you been self-centered, thoughtless, or lazy? Were you more concerned with your work or friends? Perhaps you need to commit to being a better listener, better company, and more affectionate. Make a list of needed changes and begin to practice on people you deal with everyday. Youll see how people begin to open to you in new ways after their initial surprise, puzzlement and delight.
If Youre Still Determined to Get Your Love Back
Still interested in reconciling? Give yourself the gift of time. Stay loosely connected to them with casual and creative caring. Commit to self-improvement and keep enjoying your life. You will have moments of intense sadness and frustration, but time is a great healer. Whether you win your ex back or not, you will come out of this ordeal stronger, more attractive to others and probably more able to sustain yourself within a healthy relationship. Either way- its a Win-Win. Good luck!
Susie
About the Author:
Susie Kempton has been a professional in relationship counceling for more than 2 decades and is highly regarded in her field. She has a free 7 day guide available on
How to Win Back Love by visiting her website which is dedicated to providing ideas and solutions on
How to Get Your Ex Back